Secrets

Don't you hate it when you have a secret that is soo exciting, can you can't tell anyone?    I don't know why people tell me secrets anymore either.  I am the worst secret keeper.  I mean I can keep a secret sometimes, but not usually.I give my self a week to keep this current one.  Unless telling Dega counts.  If that counts, then I lasted about 2 minutes MAX.  

I just enjoy sharing things with people.  Literally seconds after taking pregnancy tests I am on the phone and at the computer blabbing to everyone I know.  So it's hard keeping other people's secrets.  But I am flattered when they share their secrets with me.  

Okay I am gonna end this post before I accidentally blab the secret that caused this post to begin with.

My thoughts on my next childbirth

So I have been doing a lot of thinking lately.  Mostly about the process of having my last two kids and my wishes for my next one, if I have another.

With both of my kids I was induced about 4 days before my "due date."  I never have had natural contractions and never labored on my own.  It has all been a process that my doctor was in control of.  At the time that was what I wanted.  With Bristol I only was in labor for 5 hours and after two pushes he was out.

It was pretty easy adn that's exactly how I wanted it.  But in all honesty I kinda missed enjoying the feeling of being in labor (not that labor feels good) But it's just a feeling I have missed out on.  When I look back on that day, it feels rushed.  In fact there are no pictures of me in labor and none of me holding him right away until about 8 or 9 that night. 

Then I have been thinking about how when my sister was pregnant and she had a midwife and my sister in law's birth with her mom as her midwife.  I told my little sister that I would never use a midwife because I trust my doctor too much.  Which is true, I do trust my doctor, but lately I have been changing my mind.  It's probably from watching Camille's experience (not hte actually birth I was in the other room) but it seemed so peaceful.  To be able to be in a home setting and not have all the sterile hospital crap.  Also her kids were there.  They didn't have to be quiet and she didn't have to worry about her kids distracting other people.  It was all about her.  It's not like there was someone else in the next room having a baby and bringing their own miracle into the world.

So I have decided that my next child, I want to have naturally and not in a hospital.  I want to use a midwife and a doula and get to enjoy holding my baby while it's still attached to the cord.  Still attached to me.  I want that personal close experience.  I really believe that I can handle the pain on my own.  And after hearing about the lady who had a midwife (Camille's mom) and delivered two healthy 9 pound babies.  At the same time.  Hospitals will barely let you attempt to deliver twins on your own let alone 9 pound babies.  That's 18 pounds of baby.  It's just amazing to me.  And I get kinda jealous when I think about it or hear about it.  I want to try to have a baby using my womanly abilities.  I want that feeling that I can do this on my own.  Maybe that is why I have been such and avid breast feeder. I like the feeling that it is the one thing that only the mom can do.  Moms are meant to nourish their babies and I love that I have been able to that successful with both kids.

So that's my thoughts on that.  I know that right now I am no where near ready to have another baby.  But I am sure there will be a time when Josh and I can work out all our personal issues and both of our kids will be using the potty all the time with no accidents and then it will be the right time.  When that day comes, I want to use a midwife to have my baby.  I know what I have always said and I am the first to admit that I will now eat my words.  I guess I have had a chance to grow and learn both sides and make a decision.  And this is my current decision. 

Busy Week

So over this past week we have been quite busy.   The first part of the week was business as usual.  Just the kids and I staying home and enjoying the sunshine.  Then on Wednesday our washing machine decided to break.  So we are now without a way to wash our clothes until we can afford a new machine or get this one fixed.

Then on Friday the kids and I got up early and walked to the library for our first ever La Leche League meeting.  We went with Teresa and her new baby Breelynn.  It was lots of fun and I met lots of really nice ladies.  But at times I almost feel like maybe it's too easy for me to breastfeed, if that's possible.  I just have never really had troubles with it.

Then Saturday it ended up raining all day.  Then when it stopped raining Josh, the kids and I went out in the backyard to pick weeds.  Pretty much since we moved in we have had a crappy backyard.  It's a nice size and all but it's too rocky to plant grass and covered in weeds and burrs everywhere.  I am the kind of person who never wears shoes.  Shoes and me just don't get along.  So my prickly backyard just plain sucks. 
So in a couple hours on Saturday and a few more on Sunday we got the majority of the yard done.  I am hoping that soon we will be able to get rid of the weeds fully and maybe even plant grass.

Then come Monday we are back to our boring selves.  But after going to the LLL class has really got me thinking about if and when I have another kid.  But I will write about that in its own post.