My thoughts on my next childbirth

So I have been doing a lot of thinking lately.  Mostly about the process of having my last two kids and my wishes for my next one, if I have another.

With both of my kids I was induced about 4 days before my "due date."  I never have had natural contractions and never labored on my own.  It has all been a process that my doctor was in control of.  At the time that was what I wanted.  With Bristol I only was in labor for 5 hours and after two pushes he was out.

It was pretty easy adn that's exactly how I wanted it.  But in all honesty I kinda missed enjoying the feeling of being in labor (not that labor feels good) But it's just a feeling I have missed out on.  When I look back on that day, it feels rushed.  In fact there are no pictures of me in labor and none of me holding him right away until about 8 or 9 that night. 

Then I have been thinking about how when my sister was pregnant and she had a midwife and my sister in law's birth with her mom as her midwife.  I told my little sister that I would never use a midwife because I trust my doctor too much.  Which is true, I do trust my doctor, but lately I have been changing my mind.  It's probably from watching Camille's experience (not hte actually birth I was in the other room) but it seemed so peaceful.  To be able to be in a home setting and not have all the sterile hospital crap.  Also her kids were there.  They didn't have to be quiet and she didn't have to worry about her kids distracting other people.  It was all about her.  It's not like there was someone else in the next room having a baby and bringing their own miracle into the world.

So I have decided that my next child, I want to have naturally and not in a hospital.  I want to use a midwife and a doula and get to enjoy holding my baby while it's still attached to the cord.  Still attached to me.  I want that personal close experience.  I really believe that I can handle the pain on my own.  And after hearing about the lady who had a midwife (Camille's mom) and delivered two healthy 9 pound babies.  At the same time.  Hospitals will barely let you attempt to deliver twins on your own let alone 9 pound babies.  That's 18 pounds of baby.  It's just amazing to me.  And I get kinda jealous when I think about it or hear about it.  I want to try to have a baby using my womanly abilities.  I want that feeling that I can do this on my own.  Maybe that is why I have been such and avid breast feeder. I like the feeling that it is the one thing that only the mom can do.  Moms are meant to nourish their babies and I love that I have been able to that successful with both kids.

So that's my thoughts on that.  I know that right now I am no where near ready to have another baby.  But I am sure there will be a time when Josh and I can work out all our personal issues and both of our kids will be using the potty all the time with no accidents and then it will be the right time.  When that day comes, I want to use a midwife to have my baby.  I know what I have always said and I am the first to admit that I will now eat my words.  I guess I have had a chance to grow and learn both sides and make a decision.  And this is my current decision.